keep repeating same story...

Ha!

I was a bit worried if I couldnt get into my blog... dunno what happened...it didnt let me sign in right away... and funnily... I managed myself to get into my oldies blog which apparently created in 2003... HAHA... I even forgot that I got one before... oh well...

just realized that Ive been using my email account for ages... AWESOME! thats what I called loyality...

Just went shopping with a friend of mine, Lena... well, it was a nice shopping... basically bought some stuffs for my face... (its breaking out again...) sucks! But thank God, I bought the clinique stuffs which my skin needs... (what can I say...got a very spoil skin here)

Well, I got my short spring break... from thursday...skipped works... just because I wasnt feeling very well...and realllll tired... therefore I spent most of my days for sleeping...

oh Thank God, this week Alloh gave me a very nice gift... and its kinda a miracle for me, therefore Alhamdullilah... thank You ALLOH for all your kindness... I just hope You will always be by my side and guide me through my life. Amin.

Ive been thinking... now actually been missing my Mr. Big... yea funny eh?! I wouldnt think that I would even think about him no more... however, once again, it seems soo right whenever I say, no matter what... I always return to him; No good! If anyone... it would be me who knew that better...

I dont know how I feel about him... all I know is I had a dream about him last night and I wanna talk to him... at least to catch up with stuffs...

However, I dont think he was as enthusiastic as he was before... even my friend could say that he turned out to be colder to me... (was it something I said or done?)

Well, I kinda have no clue... or he's with somebody else... hah! GREAT!

That would be like his 1000 times broke my heart... he's like the only one who has a great power over me... been more than 4 years...

But oh well... life goes on... I usually be the one who decide to bring him again to my life (sometimes because he kinda gives me this comfort feeling which I havent found in anyone)... then the next thing is pretty obvious... somebody's gunna stand on the pouring rain...

He's like a home for me... where I know I can always return to after my journeys....

Anyways... as crazy as it is... I dont think I can totally get over him... I wonder if we could ever meet again...


Seasons changes... people come and go... but its comforting to know that the ones you love, will always stay in your heart...


"I know it took me awhile to get here... But I am here"-- then I know that we really are meant to be...

Officially 21!

(My feet hurted from dancing...)

Happy birthday to me I guess...LOL

If you asked me how I feel being 21... I would say... nothing... or nevermind...I feel GREAT cuz' i finally could get in to the club!! Last night was my first time getting into the club without my fake ID!

My birthday, Sunday, is actually pretty relaxing... I basically do nothing in my birthday... (except cooking, watching TV, sleeping...)

Its kinda a lazy day... woke up at 3 PM, and just chillin around the apt... just BEAUTIFUL! its great to have the apt for myself ( haha)

3 PM? no!! dont get me wrong... I slept at 9 AM this morning... LOL

Yea, my friends last nite took me out to Atlantic city in NJ... so took us an hour to get there...

MANY MANY MANY thanks for
1. Aureole-- Thanks for everything... he's like my good friend here...
2. Lisa, Gayathri, Lena-- thanks for coming out for my birthday!! It was awesome!!

So basically, we went to this club (Casbah) in Taj Mahal owned by mr. Trump... (Trump is really everywhere in Atlantic city)

It was pretty kewl... dancing and stuffs...

We decided to leave the club around 5 AM, and then had breakfast downstairs... because our driver needed to sobber up... LOL

Then around 7 AM, we left... and all of us were all fell sleep... and mr. Aure needed to struggle himself to get us home. and WE MADE IT home!!

Got home, and called Mama and Papa, also the cutest little brother in the world.... had good conversation with them... except when my mother decided to put my papa on the phone because she wanted to watch COMMANDER IN CHIEF on TV... (yea how lovely she was)... and surely her reason was "You know that I rarely watch TV... Sunday is my TV day... Commander in chief and Republik Mimpi is on"...

Thats just her... TV and her daughter which one is more important?! ofcourse her daughter...but not on Sunday....HAHAHA

I love my MAMA.

then my Papa was a bit upset knowing I came home in the morning... (I told you!), he goes, "So what took you all nite to get home?"... I reckon him saying that for 3 times... LOL

OH PAPA!!

while my little brother... he wished me 1 second birthday wish cuz' mostly he was asking about computer stuffs... YUp! computer and his sister birthday which one is more important? I guess, computer... hopefully only for that moment...LOL

after having GREAT conversations, I went off to sleep... and basically missed calls from Mom, Dad... but then I got some chances to call them...

*Mom and dad, Thank you for remembering my birthday and making feel like homed, I love you!!*

and also, my good friend Becky (live from Aussie) called me--

At first I was kinda upset knowing that I didnt receive any e-mail or anything from my bestfriend Becky...

then I woke up after my day sleep and saw that I got one message in my house phone... but I wasnt really expecting anything...

But guess what?! it was Becky!

Thank soooo much Beck... you know how I truly miss 'us'... you're like my other half who just can go crazy... and feel comfy by just being ourselves...

I love you soo sooo soooo much!!

Surprisingly, my little sister from Melbourne.... Shibani also called!!

It had been more than 3 months not hearing her voice... and listening to it, made me feel like I am still in Melbourne (well, at least thats what I kinda want...lol)

Somebody also called which made my day more fabolous!

Well, It is 12.16 AM, monday, 12/03... so my birthday is officially over.

But overall... it really was a good birthday (and I really meant it!)

Thank you for each of you who spent some times of yours to wish me a happy birthday via facebook, friendster, or also e-mails....

I guess knowing that people care about me... really make my my birthday even more Special!!!

Thank you soo much from the bottom of my heart.

and most of all... thank YOU ALLOH for everything You have given me...

Rivan!

Hah! definitely a day before my BIG DAY to be a 21 years old woman... yes you're right, somebody here is a WOMAN now (or at least I will try)... lol

So my birthday is tomorrow, however, I managed to speak with my parents last nite (morning in Indo) for about 3 hours... Yes I miss them.

Listening to their voices really made me happy... cuz' you know that they care about you and stuff...

It was kinda surprising when my mother goes to me, "I havent able to sent your brother's gift yet... cuz' I need to get you something first"... I was like, "My brother's gift?!!"

Wait a second...

Yea, my little brother, Rivan... who barely even remember my birthday... got me a gift... now thats something!

I really cant wait to see whats in it... well its really... nothing about the gift, but the thoughts that count.... and coming from a person who sometimes need to be reminded about your birthday... it really gives you hope, that someone out there cares about you... oh GOD, only You know how I love my little brother...

I miss hanging out with him... although he's only 16... but he's like one of my friend...

Yes, we do fight. A lot. But what I know always is... he will always be my brother no matter how annoying he is...

We've been through a lot together as brother and sister. There were sometimes in the past which made him really hated me (literrally hated me!). It was like hell, when your sibling said that they dont wanna be your sibling.

It really was my fault... and I tried to fix it.

It wasnt easy...( esp for those of you who knows Rivan well, you know what I mean.)

But I thank God, that he finally would give me another chance to be a better sister.

I promised myself that I will never waste my chance. NEVER AGAIN.

I hope all the best for him, always.

Miss you Rivan!!!

My little brother,

Clock on my wall is ticking

Dates on my calendar is changing

There's another journey for me to go

He said, "Who am I going to talk to when you're gone?"

I replied, "You can always call me"

There's a little doubt in his eyes

Oh God, I hate letting him down...

If I could have one wish for this very moment....

I hope he knows...

how proud I am to be his sister... and,

no matter how far I am... he will always have me by his side anytime he needs me...

Let's get married... or Let shall not...

Dreams dreams dreams...

What else do I want eh?! Life favors me lately (Thank You GOD)... got one more job for the spring break next week... which undoubtely will make me really tired in the end of the week... but oh well, I need the money... and ill suck it up

My birthday is only 2 days to go... and yes I am nervous...

I know its like nothing to be nervous about, however... realizing that I have to say bye to my glorious 2oth years, kinda hit me that... darn I am old!

So talking about my upcoming birthday and stuff... My dearly beloved PAPA... sent me an e-mail, which says:

Semoga dapet jodoh yang terbaik. (amin)

Yea... it was a nice wish coming from my father. Nothing's wrong with it, however, ( I probably over analyze it) I was kinda laughing at it.

I meant, it doesnt mean I dont want a good soulmate or whatever you want to call that, but... I am still 21! And... I think that wish would be more suit for my 25th birthday wish. Dont you think so?

Don't get me wrong... I wanna have a boyfriend... however, its kinda not in my priority list at this moment.

I dont even know what I want for God sake!

Even at this very second, I am not even sure how my feeling is toward my crushes, whom btw one of them was having 'up and personal' conversation with me today.

Well, my point is... I just hope that...my father didnt mean to rush me and stuff, into relationship... I know that he wont, and knowing him, he barely even made any good comment about the guys whom I was involved with!

I remember I told my parents one time that...

No matter how old I will be... please never rush me into any marriage if I do not want to...

AND... they agreed...

also about whomever I am married to...

My papa one time told me if he didnt want me to get marry with any foreigners... and thats because he doesnt want me to leave him forever...

While my mother said... that I could get marry with anyone I want, because I will be the one who live my life.... (thats just great....)--- making feel lots worse if I ever made mistake...LOL

To be honest,

I dont see myself marrying any foreigners... (I want to but..), its funny, because I see myself to be wedded by an Indonesian...

I dont know... I really dont know... its just a bit too much for me to think about it at this moment...

anyhow... whatever happen... happen!

and I just always pray to Alloh to always guide me along the way... thats all I want... at least for now..

Here I go again...

Couple days before my big day...

How am I feeling today?

Well today, I am kinda feeling better...esp since I just got a birthday present from my Dad and mom. They just got me a crock pot which specialize in cooking beef or chiken stew... I am not quite sure the Indo term for that... but its one of delicious foods the Americans have ever invented (dont even know if it was from here)

Well anyway, some of you might get confuse with these 'mom and dad' terms. The people whom I meant, were my ex-host parents when I was an exchange student here 3 years ago.

They're not my real parents, however, you'll be surprised if I told you about all of the things that they have done to me. (Sometimes I think that God is just too nice to me)

You know? I could got back here and study in Arcadia, because of them (going to school in the States was not even my lists since it's really freaking expensive). They're like the people whom I turn to when I get stuck here... just like my MAMA and Papa do for me when I am home.

I would say that I am really blessed to have 2 sets of parents... my REAL parents and my American parents, each of them have played IMPORTANT roles in my life... and because of each of them... I can be the person who and where I am now.

Thank you GOD for that.

Oh, You know whats make me happy too today? well, I got my paycheck (that made my day to know that I can finally pay my phone bill)...

its one of the thing about being away from home, where you earn your money and in the end, have to pay your own stuff... (I love paying my own stuffs!)

You know, there is one thing that I really really wanna pay by myself at this moment ?! my college tuition....

I know, my parents pay for me (and I am so thankful for that)... but I know... it is not easy for mama and papa (you see now how parents will always try their best for their kids goodness). Mama and PAPA really do struggle for me... and I think it is really selfish of me if I cant do anything to help out to pay my own education... therefore I do anything here to at least... not making their tasks harder, like working here.

I love earning money... and in fact, I love working.

You're kiddin' me? i got the best jobs in the world:

desk receptionist in the library. This might sound boring to some of you... however you got to come to the library in my school to know why my job is one of the most wanted job. You got to know many people (esp cute guys...lol, you wont believe how many cuties like to stay in the library to study!), got free fotocopy (although I am not quite sure if we're allowed to do that), got to know the latest books (i love reading), and etc.

as a student assistant in Enrollment Management... basically filing, mailing and other administration things... really kewl!

and also I got to be a columnist in the newspaper back home, where I can share my story here to people every week (you see now how writting is my stress reliever)-- well wanna give a shout out to my BOSS, om daktur, YOU'RE AWESOME!!

People asked me if I ever got tired? (you definitely have to see my friend who works like 24 hours... I really do admire her). But the answer for that question is NO. because to be honest, thats one of the things that keeps me going here.

Might be weird but my school works could only be done when I am busy... because I know I wont have much times to work on it....

From working I understand how hard, working is... and I totally have many respects for you who have worked and pay your own stuffs...

From earning my own money... I got satisfaction that I could pay my own stuffs... and wont make me feel bad to my parents if I shop with my own money you know...

From those I have learned that I can not always get what I want.

I do not think that I was not spoiled when I was a kid, but my parents always try to get anything that their kids want, even the most impossible ones!

It used to frustate me when I couldnt have what I want...

However, being away from my parents... made me realize how I was such a little bratt (although sometimes I still am)... but, I appreciate more what they have done for me ( and only GOD knows how GREAT they are to me)... and surely, I understand that sometimes I just cant have what I want... and trust me... it is never a bad thing to not getting what you want... because after all... what you want is not always the best thing for you...

My little brother is... not so little anymore...

guess where Rivan is? well of course, the one in the middle with some attitudes...LOL

Indonesia-ku dan keluargaku

(The pic is taken from suaramerdeka.com)

It was such a shock when I read another earthquake once again happened in MY country Indonesia.

This deadly earthquake happened in Padang, West Sumatera this week. At least 70 people were dead and many others were victims.

It wasnt so long ago I read flood happened in Jakarta... and kinda destroyed many businesses in the capital city.

It is not a secret anymore about how many disasters have happened to a country which now slowly but sure making some progressions.

Oh GOD... i am sure You have some plans for us...

I understand that many of the disasters didnt occur around my city Semarang (God forbid!), however, being away from my parents and home... in this situation do not really help either.

Its like, you get worried all the time (especially after you read some unfortunate incidents happen in your country)... you just immediately think about your family there...

Like when there was a news in the newspaper, about some electriciy problem caused blackout in some parts of Semarang... i know, it was just a simple case compare to the other disasters, however, my mind just went crazy... all i wanted to do just to go home right away and make sure that my family is fine. (Thank God, the blackout didnt effect them)

I always worry about the worst case that could happen and still now I could not find any answer for myself if anything happened with mama, papa, and Rivan.

Oh God... sometimes I think that praying is not enough...

I know that I should let things go... but to be honest, I am not sure if I could ever forgive myself if anything happen to my family.

ALLOH.... ALLOH...ALLOH

'Allahu Akbar'

Alloh, the Most Merciful and Compassionate: praise belongs to God, the Lord of the Worlds, the Merciful, the Compassionate; Master of the Day of Judgment, You do we worship and You do we call on for help; guide us on the Straight Path, the path of those whom You have blessed, not of those who ean your anger nor those who go astray.

Alloh, I dont think I need to explain about what my mind and heart really says... because You know everything... and please forgive me.

I am nothing and I really do need You more than anything.

Alloh please.