Here I am, in a rather calm afternoon, back at home. Merry that I finally got to see my brother who went backpacking to Bali. Members of this small family is all here. Certainly something that occurs rarely as soon as kids grow up and have their own thoughts. Suddenly going out sounds more familiar than going home.

To see my-in-the-process-of-growing-up brother and to have sometimes to think, were the reasons I decided to return home last minute and went through all those-waiting on the line just to sit on the floor on the train home.

It was so pathetic that I had to sit on the floor and paid the same freaking amount of money that those people who were sleeping on the reclined seats paid. Yes, apparently I would do anything just to escape from the capital-jungle city.

And once I met my mother in the train station, she wonders, "why don't you just take the airplane?"

I don't think that two hours traffic jam will worth 45 minutes of plane ride.

I am never really a big fan of short distance flight, since it always goes this way: you start enjoying your reclined seats, admiring the scene from your window, letting your thoughts wander while accompanied by your very favorite songsm... and then "PUFF!!!" the seatbelt sign on and the very voice of the captain comes up announcing "flight attendants on landing position"

You have to end the unfinished thoughts and pack your belongings.

That is why I would rather take the train. Those moments that I probably could only enjoy in the airplane for a very short period, I can experience for at least 5 hours.

Moreover from those long rides, I sometimes have stories to tell. Like yesterday...that hectic moment introduced me to two fun/ crazy people. Hence, the non-stop-chit chat all the way.

But no worries, amid the noise of the train and our own chit chat, my thoughts never failed to escape.

And it was rather surprising, especially there is interesting people involved!

I had this guy, surely attractive, telling me about his impressive career and showing interests in my life by asking me tons of questions... And all I could say was "ya udah gitu aja" translates "that's it" everytime he followed up with other questions.

I was fully aware that there was flirtation effort he made. And if I were me-a year ago, perhaps there would also be a flirtation effort coming from me. But that wasn't what exactly happened last night.

I actually had to try showing interests!!! It wasn't going natural!

I knew I was attracted to him, but somehow I felt exhausted.

He wrote his number on my palm... And I didn't put his number in my cellphone although I had my blackberry handy on my hand. It was rude.

I realized that I was just so drained and I still am.

I think everything that has happened to me romantically has made me a-crush-proof.

And even the heartless guy, who was my mr.big for 6 years, confirmed and stated how I have become numb.

Maybe I have or maybe I am just too preoccupied.