Nothing but the truth...

The view is captivating... the city lights, blue and gold are beautifully aligned with the crescent moon and this one bright star. The rush of cars contrasting to the the quiet wind blows seem to be amicable towards each other. Tonight is just beautiful.

I want to capture this view, forever. I want to show it to you and say, "Sayangku, you know... the distant city lights and the high crescent moon remind me of you."

But like any other beautiful things in life you can never keep, I am certainly aware that even the best camera would never be able to capture this scene and this exact feeling. I just wish that my brain has enough capacity to capture this view and lock it somewhere and never to dissapear.

It has been awhile, I might say, that I allow my mind wanders. I have drowned myself into the excitement of clock tickings and rush of the needs to keep walking...

I thought and thought... I talked and talked... I walked and walked...emotionlessly.

Until you came around again and thats when I was shaken by the possibility that I might have buried my mind from thinking of you.

The wind is blowing harder when I am writing, I suppose it seems to agree.

We were never through, I must acknowledge. I was unfair to you and to us. I was too frightened with the possibility of picking up pieces of my heart.

I know that you'd laugh at my fear and say, "Silly, who said that I have forgotten you?!"

Even when I am writing this, little part of me is dissaproving. "What are you doing this for? You're so weak!"

Apparently I am and I loath this state that I am in now.

I honestly want to be one of those free souls who can just love and hurt and love again with no fear.

But I am far from that. I plan to leave before I can let myself falling someone. I plant all those sad and tragic ending stories in my head before I can let someone in.

I am damned scared to be true to myself.

And this little soul of mine is whispering, "That's it... You're good. You can stop now."

Thats what I will do, to stop and somehow hoping for that someday you'll stumble on this blog and realize that whatever the masks that I've put on, I put because I fear of losing you.