Reunion

Questioning me?

Today, I got to think about how people perceive me and it was truly the first time since long time.

It first happened in the morning when I chatted with a friend of mine. I, actually, was shocked when she mentioned how our friend was questioning the Islam in me. According to her, she asks, "Does she really pray when she sholat? Because she's rather fast in doing it..."

I could not believe that a friend of mine could really say that. It did hurt me to have a friend who questions my belief or how I am in my belief. I really did not know how to react on that. All I could say was, "My prayer is only between God and I"

And I truly meant that.

I do not see the point of defending myself, because:
first, I know I am not perfect in many way and I truly realize that and most importantly, I am hoping and trying a better person in everyway including to be a better Moslem.
second, what do or what would she know about how I am with God? I really do not think that either slow or fast in praying matters... what matters the most is, how you really feel and mean your prayer. And only you, who truly know the answer.

Second event occured this afternoon. Saw a friend of mine from school and he happened to be a Moslem. Long story short, He's fasting and I was not. I understand that I would not have any good reason for not fasting, so I will not even try to defend myself.

However it was not it... I just could not understand how could a Moslem, like him, who has been drinking alcohol and done other the prohibited things, jokingly, said that I was a kafir?!

Such a hyprocrite.

Well, I suppose you are not able to stop people from thinking what they thinking or saying what they say. However, my question... should I care about what they think about me?

And if you think, I should... when is enough is enough? when do you have to stop to listen to what people say or do you just keep continuing care and act upon how people think you are? when will you able to be yourself?

It is a tough question and unfortunately I have learned it in a hard way. Newsflash, I can never satisfay everyone. NEVER. I am just a human and you're damn right I am not perfect.

I guess those people will just have to deal with it... and,

after all... isn't me and my family who truly knows about who and how I really am?

A stranger to my eyes but a dear to my heart

He, whom I just met even though we live not too far- not too far,
He, whom I have known for only couple days
He, who has made me dream of him in the future,
He, who has had EVERYTHING I want in a man...
Now is leaving...
Leaving me with these tears which I dont even recognize.
This is odd to me... this is unbeliavable...
I ask...
What is it that become your plan, my LORD?
Is this another lesson to learned? or
Is the joke on me?
I know that he is a stranger to me...
but please tell me, why are these tears running through my cheeks?
why is the rain pouring while he's leaving the town?
I do not know him too well, but I feel like I am losing someone I have known for years...
I feel like I am losing someone special.

The History does repeat itself...

Will the history repeat itself?

I used to think that history would never repeat itself,well, how could they? doesnt human learn from history to make their life better?

Well, this might be what is happening now in Pakistan. That being said, I assume that we might be the witness in such event to take place. I decided to write this blog as soon as I finished reading a 'shocking' news in Yahoo which stated that General Pervez Musharraf conducts the state of emergency in Pakistan. An attempt which was also almost conducted in August this year.

Furthermore, he asserted that terrorism becomes his main consideration in making the decision which would suspend the constitution, and might enact "martial law".

Critics reported that this action was taken by Musharraf to keep his power. His 'military uniform' might jeopardize his current position as the since the president of Pakistan.

Although Musharraf was re-elected to be President for five more years, Pakistani supreme court has not declared the result yet due to legality issue.

Musharraf, through his military mean he launched a coup d'etat against, then the prime minister of Pakistan, Nawaz Sharif in 1999.

Moreover throughout his years, he managed to become the main ally with the U.S against terrorism.

Note: Some tribal parts of Pakistan especially Wazirikistan and border areas with Afghanistan, become home for the terrorists.

This October, Benazir Bhutto, an exile prime minister decided to return after her 8 years abroad.

Bhutto was forced to exile in her charge of corruption, and it seems that, her returning to Pakistan is just to re-enact her past.

It might become an accidental course that I am currently reading "Daughter of The East" autobiography of Benazir Bhutto.

I, had such a great opportunity to see her in the MiddleEast Institute in DC in a conference which was held for her before her returning to Pakistan. I was not familiar with her figure when I saw her. However, as many uncertainties about her future in Pakistan concerns many analysists, I decided to read her autobiography.

Benazir Bhutto is the daughter of Pakistan Prime Minister Zulfikar Ali Bhutto who was hung in April 4, 1979, two years after coup d'etat in which the military general then, Zia commenced.

Zia, who then also become a dear ally of Reagan's administration, conducted "martial law" which means no constitution, and allow military apparatus in governing the people.

Ironically, as her daughter, corruption was also one of the charges which were tried on to Zulfikar Ali Bhutto.

Like what had happened before, Musharraf, these past days, has detained at least 400 people.

Based on what I read in Bhutto's book, I could not even imagine what or how unthinkable situation the detainees face.

As she elaborated the prison even for the A-class (high rangking political prisoners) are not meant for human. She describes, "the toilet has no flush, and swarms with roachers and flies." Moreover, "the only bucket is coated with dead insects."

Lashes, psychological tortures, electric shocks, and other inhuman means were conducted by Zia's regime in obtaining information from the detainees.

Although, so far it seems that history really does repeat itself in Pakistan, Musharraf will have a better understanding in human rights and the fact that EVERY SINGLE persons, even his political opponents, deserve it.









Only God knows what future lays for her.

Rihanna - Cry

Thoughts of the day

I wish I know how to say how I really feel to you... when i thought i was the winner.
My pride which has taken me to where I am...has destroyed me at the same time. I thought I already moved on... wouldnt be mad about you...
and guess where I am right now? sinking into my thoughts about you... and drowning into my dissapoinment at you...

I thought I knew...

RIHANNA-CRY
Did it happen when we first kissed
Cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more

My mind is gone, i'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel

This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Everybody's Changing... and I dont feel the same

Well... that actually has been in my mind for all these times... for exact... when I returned home for the very first time from my exchange year in the States...

It was, frankly, quite impossible for me to see my friends the way I see them now... I meant... it was very impossible for me to think that we're no longer be talking...it was very impossible for me to be careless of how they've been...

well.. no wonder... especially since we're very bestfriend..at least that's what I thought...for almost 2 years in high school..

But quite honest... another question which still occurs in my mind is... what is a bestfriend? how do you define bestfriend?


Back in high school... I'd answer this question easily...I thought, somebody whom I could share stories about boys and somebody whom I could go to the mall or even school cafetaria with were my bestfriends...

so by then... I got a lot of them.

Time went by and I returned home... instead of rejoicing my return to home... my then-bestfriends were occupied with schools and ofcourse... prepared for college.

Obviously, i thought it'd be selfish of me if I kept persisting to have them 24/7...

so I decided to wait and wait... and the phone calls like we used to have...never rang anymore... not that i recall

I was home for a year... and to be honest, I couldnt recall I did anything with my 'bestfriends'...

It was a bit devastated... at first. But hell! Life had to go on... and as I branched out... I met more people... but nothing too deep... or so its called bestfriends.

Then... time decided to flew me all the way back to US... this time for college.

I still dont know how to define the exact meaning of 'bestfriends' until now... but at least, now, I've figured out some things which relate to the 'bestfriends' existences.

Everybody's changing... well that is for sure. sucks sometimes... especially when they change and decide not to include you in their life anymore...(even if they dont mean to)

I mean... things happen and it can draw us further or even closer to someone...

Since everybody changes... it would be very helpful to yourself to not expecting anything from anyone.

I mean... I reckon, once you have expectations for anything... you'll start to think about the your expectations rather than to realize that no 1 is perfect...and shit do happen!

Those two points I always remember everytime I decide to make friends...

You know... it might seem pessimistic... but I suppose, there is nothing wrong for anyone to protect themselves from being hurt.