Questioning me?

Today, I got to think about how people perceive me and it was truly the first time since long time.

It first happened in the morning when I chatted with a friend of mine. I, actually, was shocked when she mentioned how our friend was questioning the Islam in me. According to her, she asks, "Does she really pray when she sholat? Because she's rather fast in doing it..."

I could not believe that a friend of mine could really say that. It did hurt me to have a friend who questions my belief or how I am in my belief. I really did not know how to react on that. All I could say was, "My prayer is only between God and I"

And I truly meant that.

I do not see the point of defending myself, because:
first, I know I am not perfect in many way and I truly realize that and most importantly, I am hoping and trying a better person in everyway including to be a better Moslem.
second, what do or what would she know about how I am with God? I really do not think that either slow or fast in praying matters... what matters the most is, how you really feel and mean your prayer. And only you, who truly know the answer.

Second event occured this afternoon. Saw a friend of mine from school and he happened to be a Moslem. Long story short, He's fasting and I was not. I understand that I would not have any good reason for not fasting, so I will not even try to defend myself.

However it was not it... I just could not understand how could a Moslem, like him, who has been drinking alcohol and done other the prohibited things, jokingly, said that I was a kafir?!

Such a hyprocrite.

Well, I suppose you are not able to stop people from thinking what they thinking or saying what they say. However, my question... should I care about what they think about me?

And if you think, I should... when is enough is enough? when do you have to stop to listen to what people say or do you just keep continuing care and act upon how people think you are? when will you able to be yourself?

It is a tough question and unfortunately I have learned it in a hard way. Newsflash, I can never satisfay everyone. NEVER. I am just a human and you're damn right I am not perfect.

I guess those people will just have to deal with it... and,

after all... isn't me and my family who truly knows about who and how I really am?