It is amazing how a course of life can change in a matter of days. Yesterday, I was all ready to plan my vacation trip and suddenly today everything seems more and more uncertain.
We can never plan our life, can't we? This is why I always admire gambler or optimist. How could you be certain when you know that life is unpredictable? And how could you be fine if things don't go your way?
I'm not a risk taker when it comes to my future. I have to be certain about what will be ahead of me for I to jump into a situation. I usually think of as many scenarios as I can find... I apply "prepare for the worst" for everything, including my expectations to people and the way I perceive my future.
On the surface, people misunderstood me as risk taker and that is usually because I have traveled to some unfamiliar places and stuffs...
In case of travelling to some strange sites with no language I speak, I reckon as long as I know what I want and some basic things like where I will stay and such... I will be fine.
I need a purpose, I will figure things out later.
Purpose makes me feel that I am in control. That keeps me from getting insane.
But ofcourse, life is way too powerful even for someone who has two or three back up plans... It always manages to throw you offguard.
"Shit does happen!" and all you can do just keep reminding yourself, "you'll make it!"
Yes it is tough especially when the world seems to be unkind and the future seems unpromising...
When that happens, I find peace in my past...
A friend of mine asked me if I ever let go my past... I answered, Yes I have but there are sometimes when revisiting the past becomes the only way for me to going through the present.
And at this very moment, that is what I am trying to do... revisiting my past...
But somehow, this time, I fail to find familiar faces and here I am, alone.
IL MIO DIO, please give me mercy.
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