If only...

So apparently, I really have to recognize that he still haunts me even in my dream...

I was thinking about everything lately esp about my past and stuff...and I asked couple friends about how him and I really were... since I did not have any clue... I was expecting they had answer for that at least from the outsiders perspectives... but apparently, neither of them had any clue...

Then last night. it was kinda strange... I had a dream about his mother.

His mother, in my dream, answered all of my questions. I have not ever spoken to his mother for ages...and I think il suo padre e piu vicino to me than his mother. so anyway, in my dream, first she showed how she disliked me.

I was not happy, therefore, I asked her reason for being rather mean to me...

she then answered that it was because she noticed her son's struggle to replace me... basic line, she wasnt happy because (in her fashion) I hurt her son... (well, thats not how it goes in the reality...)

then (I think) I told her if he doesnt need to replace me because I am here... I am not going anywhere

Well, thats about it... but I think I said what I wanted to say for all this time to him in my dream...

Very pathetic eh?

You know... Im kinda wondering myself if I only created the story of him and I to make myself feel better... bottom line, I question if I was the one who made belief to myself how he used to like me...

Its already been years I am left with no clue... and I supposed he's already moved on with his life... a life which has not me in it...

and still, I fear the truth... truth that might crush big part of me...