You're in wrongness. Meanness. Insensitiveness.

"My life's a mess"

I told a friend of mine who professed his feeling towards me. So desperately my mind ran through all of those lame excuses of why having a relationship was not a priority for me.

The truth was, I lied. My life has always been a mess, but it had and has not refrained me from being in relationships in the past.

The truth was, I did not have the courage to tell him that I was not into him.

The truth was, I wished it was someone else who dined with me that very night and said the very exact thing that this 'friend' said.

And now, I am bitten by own karma. Months later. I really am a mess in this messy romance story with a somewhat messed-up person.

Uncertainty and indecisiveness, which I loathe the most, have fairly befriended me. And to my own heart, I go.... no body's perfect and never in my life that I've ever had a normal romance story. Bad romance, unfortunately, is not an irregularity to my life.

And like any other stories that I have been in, the belief that somewhat, this time around would be different came across my mind.

Red flags are flown right before my eyes. But of course, all I could see is his child-alike eyes...

"What the fuck are you doing?" is the very question that is familiar to my ears. But of course, his 'honest' answers are deafening...

My long awaited- past's invitation seems to be nothing compared to the excitement that he ignites.

I am drawn into his wrongness. meanness. insensitiveness.

Infatuation and loathsome linger between us.

Hope and despair embed this story.

Don't ask me on how I'd go... because I dont know.
Don't ask me if he'd ever break my heart... because I hope he won't.

I am heavy hearted.

But I know that when words are soon to be understated in describing this very messed up story, I am going back to where I started.

With a smile. A BIG ONE.